life perspective

In the past few weeks I've been so worried about the baby being born around the same time school starts, and how I'm going to handle that.  Boy how everything can change in a matter of seconds!  For the last month or so Brad had told me about once a week when I would tuck him in at night that his knee/thigh hurt.  Every time he said that paranoid thoughts of rare diseases, cancer, etc ran through my head.  My gut told me something wasn't right because Brad never makes up stuff about being hurt, but it really didn't seem like something I could/should do anything about....  Tuesday evening Brad was playing outside with all his neighborhood friends when he apparently jumped off of a Power Wheels jeep (what are they, like 8 inches off the ground?) and hurt his leg.  He was limping around and being really whiny about the pain.  Brad's no sissy about stuff like that so I knew he was really hurting.  The next morning was the same; he didn't even want to try to walk, it was hurting him so much.  So, off to the ER because I knew he needed an x-ray.  I had a feeling there was going to be something wrong, but was NOT expecting to hear things like "tumor" and "surgery", "small chance of rare disease", and "most likely benign".  The doctor was a tad (to say the least) unnecessarily scary because he obviously didn't have much knowledge about Brad's condition.  His x-rays showed that his left proximal femur was hollow.  An eggshell thin outline of bone with nothing in it.  The tumor was a bone cyst; instead of his bone being solid bone, it was filled with fluid.  We were referred to a pediatric orthopedic surgeon in Santa Barbara who wanted to see Brad the next day.  We were told to keep Brad off of his leg (not a hard task seeing as though it hurt him so much to even move it) because it already had several micro-fractures and could easily break due to the weakness.  Down to Santa Barbara on Wednesday with everything packed in anticipation of the possibilities of staying there for his surgery, and/or the birth of the baby!  Not stressful at all, right?  The surgeon, Dr. Early, thought it was the "bad" kind of cyst, an aneurysmal, which has many cavities making it harder to heal.  He "bet his life" that Brad would have to have many surgeries over the years.  The way to fix it is to operate and clean the bone out, stabilize it with a metal plate and screws, plus fill it in with artificial bone that, in time, would be replaced with real bone by his body, and have to use a wheelchair for at least a month.  Because Brad's existing bone was so thin and the thinned part was so close to his growth plate we were warned that if it was too thin to be stabilized, he'd end up in a spica cast, which is a cast that covers one entire leg, half of the other, and all up around his waist, front and back, and a rod in the middle connecting the two legs so they can't move.  Surgery was scheduled for the next day.  Yesterday was a loooong day.  Brad was scheduled for surgery at 3 pm, and wasn't allowed to eat all day.  Anyone who knows Brad knows how much he loves to eat!  He usually starts the day with 3 breakfasts...no exaggeration.  He was tired, hungry, and very anxious about his leg.  His surgery was pushed back to 5...more waiting...they finally came and got him and I went with him to the pre-op room where they gave him a muscle relaxant.  He was freaking out (to put it nicely).  He was so scared.  I felt terrible.  Helpless.  He was helpless and I felt helpless that I couldn't do anything for him...my baby.  As soon as they took him back I lost it.  I was so scared for him and what they would do to him, and that he might not make it, and the pain and recovery he'd have to go through afterward.  My mind was racing.  I went and hid in the bathroom and cried and prayed and cried for...a long time.  The surgery that was supposed to last 1-1 1/2 hours went on almost 2 hours.  I just KNEW he was going to end up in the cast.  I had that feeling from the time we checked into the hospital.  Dr. Early FINALLY came out and said that it went well, and, yes, he was in the cast.  He also said that he thought it was actually a unicameral bone cyst rather that an aneurysmal which is GREAT news because it has a much better chance of healing with less surgeries.  In fact, he said he may only need one or two more surgeries where they will cut a small hole into the preexisting incision and inject the bone with more artificial bone, and Brad will be able to walk the same day.  Watching Brad waking up from the anesthesia was sad.  He was VERY upset and agitated and freaked out about waking up in a huge cast with tubes all over him, and an IV stuck in his arm.  His stay in the hospital till they released him today was pretty brutal.  He was so scared and in so much pain, and we had a couple horrific experiences with a couple nurses.  He's been so much calmer and more relaxed since we got home late this afternoon.  It's heartbreaking seeing him in pain and feeling so terrible.  He's got his bed made up on the couch at home where he will probably stay for a few days till it doesn't hurt him so much to be moved.  He's in his big blue cast and he'll have to be pushed around in his wheelchair for at least a month.  After a month he'll get an x-ray and if it's healing well they'll take off his cast and let him start walking again.  My new perspective on my life and upcoming events: my babies are alive and okay...things will be hard but we'll get through it.  I'm SO thankful for my kids and their health, and I love them SO much!  I'm also SO VERY thankful for my family, especially my mom, dad, second mom Laurie, and sister Ally who surrounded and supported me, Brad and Sharlotte and Brielle constantly for the past 3 days.  I'm so blessed to have such wonderful family who love me and my kids so much. <3  I appreciate everyone's prayers and thoughts immensely.  <3  (also...they don't know the cause of bone cysts like this, and Brad has most likely had it for a long time)