I've been running around like a chicken with its head cut off! (randomness)

Allll day.  Between kids, and school, and more kids, and life, and then there are those kids again, I'm almost going insane!  I say almost because I don't have the luxury of time for a mental breakdown.  Sigh.  Arabella is like a cute baby monkey with a big head that clings to me all day.  I wuv wuv WUV her to pieces even though she makes my back hurt and she slobbers on me and spits up in my hair and makes everything just a little (um, or A LOT!) more difficult.  Today I was feeding her in the car and I noticed a pervy little 12-ish boy craning his neck in the car next to me trying to sneak a peek. Ew.  I'm stressed this week with toooo much to do and not enough hours in the day.  Anyone else have days like that with racing thoughts to no end?  I can't even relax when I get in bed because I have so much reading to do.  The history of psychology.  Ohhh joy.  The word "history" makes me want to snoozzzze, although the first chapter promised lots of "sex, drugs, and weird behavior" which is seemingly the epitome of most of those around me, so maybe I'll have some enlightenment with that...?  Orrr...not so much.  Brad started back at school last week...YAY!  He's not allowed to run, jump, or climb at recess, but other than that it's been fabulous for him.  He's still got his Frankenstein limp, but even that's getting better.  Today I made a bunch of treats for Sharlotte's Halloween party tomorrow night.  I somehow worked around my baby monkey in her pack, and finished the chocolate spider cupcakes, witches wands (pretzel rods dipped in melted white chocolate with sprinkles), and goblin owls (cocoa crispy treats dipped in melted peanut butter chips with candy faces).  I didn't quite get to the eyeballs on a fork, but I did eat a bunch of the donut holes that will be making them.  Oops.  This morning some guy at the gas station told me he just wanted me to know that I looked "really good, beautiful today".  So I'm thinking...today?  As opposed to how I usually look?  Do I know you and you saw me looking bad yesterday?  This is awkward.  Why is it ALWAYS in the gas station parking lots that I get hit on?  Speaking of awkward, I was having a discussion with a friend this morning about bad gym behavior.  Things that bug the crap out of me...when people fart/sneeze in there (because I'm already gasping for air if I'm doing cardio so I have no choice but to suck it all in) and when people next to me clean off their machine and squirt me with the cleaner.  I'm always downwind from the fan somehow.  Gross.  Time to sign off.  The clingy monkey needs me.  And so does my book.

random musings and happenings of a tired mama

* When I looked in the mirror this morning the first thing to pop in my head was Gretchen Wilson's song "All Jacked Up"...prooobably should have washed my makeup off last night, and not...slept weird...on my hair.  * Second thought...OMG how in the hell did Dr. Christian Troy sneak in last night and give me implants while I was asleep?!!...I've been watching too many episodes of Nip/Tuck...I love Dr. Troy....This looks awkward..  * I should totally be in a "GOT MILK?" ad with Arabella.  * I love showers!  *  I can't believe I'm wearing "pre-pregnancy" shorts.  * Is it really mean to think of Brad as "Tiny Tim" in my head?..Because Tiny Tim gets better at the end, right?  *Yesterday Brad's doctor said 6-8 weeks in the cast, the "one month" thing...not gonna happen...and then he'll STILL be in the wheelchair for awhile once it's off...and then we'll have to wait and see about future surgeries, and hopefully his bone will heal enough that he'll only need the minor surgeries instead of one or more big ones :/  * Sooo I don't feel bad for all the people who make a big deal of having had "2 in diapers" cause I have one in diapers and one in a wheelchair with a pee jug and a poo pan.  Gross.  Bodily functions are gross.  * I hate being stuck at home!  * I so badly want to run again!  My mind is SO ready.  I'm pumped to work out like crazy again!  * I want to go grocery shopping!  * I LOVE my friends, and I LOVE my family.  * Arabella is absolutely PERFECT!  * The past year has been the hardest in my life...and not looking like it's gonna get easier for a few months...but now that Arabella is here I'm so in love with her, and she's so worth everything.

Arabella's Arrival

I was scheduled to get induced (so that I would have enough help with Brad before school started this week!), but kept getting rescheduled because apparently everyone in the county was in labor Friday and Saturday and the hospitals were full.  I started feeling like I was never going to get in!  Finally at 3 pm Saturday the labor and delivery nurse called me and told me to come in.  My doctor arrived and broke my water at 5 pm.  She said I had been dilated 5 cm and hadn't told me because she didn't want me to worry about that while I was dealing with Brad and the trip to Santa Barbara!  Within an hour I was in PAIN (must've come on fast since I was already halfway done!)  I got an epidural at 8 pm and was 7 cm.  The nurse said she'd check me again in 3 hours....3 hours?!  She agreed to check in 2.  An hour and a half later she said the baby's heart rate was dropping with contractions and that usually means you're ready...and I was.  That was 9:30 pm.  The doctor was called.  She got there around 10.  I pushed for 2 contractions and Arabella arrived into this world at 10:07 pm on August 21st!  The whole thing took 5 hours!  She weighed 8 pounds, 10 ounces, and was 21 1/4 inches long.  Big girl!  She's perfect, and already a part of our pack at home <3

2 days after surgery

It breaks my heart to see my baby in pain....It's been a rough evening for him.  He was definitely better today than yesterday; he was smiling again today.  Still in too much pain to get moved off of the couch though.  I'll be so glad for his pain to be mild enough to move him to his wheelchair so I can take him for walks outside and he can have more action/stimulation around the house.  He's had a lot of frustration not only with the pain, but with the cast.  It doesn't allow him to bend very far so all I can do is prop him up a little with pillows, and then he has a hard time eating and drinking because he's halfway between sitting and laying.  The cast makes him sweaty and itchy which really bugs him.  Life still goes right along through it all though...still so many things around the house to do, and it seemed like all day I was running back and forth between Brad and housework and "to-do list" stuff.  This has been such an awful experience for him, and I would take his place in a second if I could.  Right now I'm just trying my hardest to make him feel comforted and taken care of.  The hospital was so awful and I don't want him to be scared anymore.  I can't even imagine how a baby is going to fit into this mix right now!  This doesn't seem real...this is not my life...

life perspective

In the past few weeks I've been so worried about the baby being born around the same time school starts, and how I'm going to handle that.  Boy how everything can change in a matter of seconds!  For the last month or so Brad had told me about once a week when I would tuck him in at night that his knee/thigh hurt.  Every time he said that paranoid thoughts of rare diseases, cancer, etc ran through my head.  My gut told me something wasn't right because Brad never makes up stuff about being hurt, but it really didn't seem like something I could/should do anything about....  Tuesday evening Brad was playing outside with all his neighborhood friends when he apparently jumped off of a Power Wheels jeep (what are they, like 8 inches off the ground?) and hurt his leg.  He was limping around and being really whiny about the pain.  Brad's no sissy about stuff like that so I knew he was really hurting.  The next morning was the same; he didn't even want to try to walk, it was hurting him so much.  So, off to the ER because I knew he needed an x-ray.  I had a feeling there was going to be something wrong, but was NOT expecting to hear things like "tumor" and "surgery", "small chance of rare disease", and "most likely benign".  The doctor was a tad (to say the least) unnecessarily scary because he obviously didn't have much knowledge about Brad's condition.  His x-rays showed that his left proximal femur was hollow.  An eggshell thin outline of bone with nothing in it.  The tumor was a bone cyst; instead of his bone being solid bone, it was filled with fluid.  We were referred to a pediatric orthopedic surgeon in Santa Barbara who wanted to see Brad the next day.  We were told to keep Brad off of his leg (not a hard task seeing as though it hurt him so much to even move it) because it already had several micro-fractures and could easily break due to the weakness.  Down to Santa Barbara on Wednesday with everything packed in anticipation of the possibilities of staying there for his surgery, and/or the birth of the baby!  Not stressful at all, right?  The surgeon, Dr. Early, thought it was the "bad" kind of cyst, an aneurysmal, which has many cavities making it harder to heal.  He "bet his life" that Brad would have to have many surgeries over the years.  The way to fix it is to operate and clean the bone out, stabilize it with a metal plate and screws, plus fill it in with artificial bone that, in time, would be replaced with real bone by his body, and have to use a wheelchair for at least a month.  Because Brad's existing bone was so thin and the thinned part was so close to his growth plate we were warned that if it was too thin to be stabilized, he'd end up in a spica cast, which is a cast that covers one entire leg, half of the other, and all up around his waist, front and back, and a rod in the middle connecting the two legs so they can't move.  Surgery was scheduled for the next day.  Yesterday was a loooong day.  Brad was scheduled for surgery at 3 pm, and wasn't allowed to eat all day.  Anyone who knows Brad knows how much he loves to eat!  He usually starts the day with 3 breakfasts...no exaggeration.  He was tired, hungry, and very anxious about his leg.  His surgery was pushed back to 5...more waiting...they finally came and got him and I went with him to the pre-op room where they gave him a muscle relaxant.  He was freaking out (to put it nicely).  He was so scared.  I felt terrible.  Helpless.  He was helpless and I felt helpless that I couldn't do anything for him...my baby.  As soon as they took him back I lost it.  I was so scared for him and what they would do to him, and that he might not make it, and the pain and recovery he'd have to go through afterward.  My mind was racing.  I went and hid in the bathroom and cried and prayed and cried for...a long time.  The surgery that was supposed to last 1-1 1/2 hours went on almost 2 hours.  I just KNEW he was going to end up in the cast.  I had that feeling from the time we checked into the hospital.  Dr. Early FINALLY came out and said that it went well, and, yes, he was in the cast.  He also said that he thought it was actually a unicameral bone cyst rather that an aneurysmal which is GREAT news because it has a much better chance of healing with less surgeries.  In fact, he said he may only need one or two more surgeries where they will cut a small hole into the preexisting incision and inject the bone with more artificial bone, and Brad will be able to walk the same day.  Watching Brad waking up from the anesthesia was sad.  He was VERY upset and agitated and freaked out about waking up in a huge cast with tubes all over him, and an IV stuck in his arm.  His stay in the hospital till they released him today was pretty brutal.  He was so scared and in so much pain, and we had a couple horrific experiences with a couple nurses.  He's been so much calmer and more relaxed since we got home late this afternoon.  It's heartbreaking seeing him in pain and feeling so terrible.  He's got his bed made up on the couch at home where he will probably stay for a few days till it doesn't hurt him so much to be moved.  He's in his big blue cast and he'll have to be pushed around in his wheelchair for at least a month.  After a month he'll get an x-ray and if it's healing well they'll take off his cast and let him start walking again.  My new perspective on my life and upcoming events: my babies are alive and okay...things will be hard but we'll get through it.  I'm SO thankful for my kids and their health, and I love them SO much!  I'm also SO VERY thankful for my family, especially my mom, dad, second mom Laurie, and sister Ally who surrounded and supported me, Brad and Sharlotte and Brielle constantly for the past 3 days.  I'm so blessed to have such wonderful family who love me and my kids so much. <3  I appreciate everyone's prayers and thoughts immensely.  <3  (also...they don't know the cause of bone cysts like this, and Brad has most likely had it for a long time)